Why New Year Resolutions Don't Work

Here's WHY your new year resolutions didn’t stick:

𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 “𝗪𝐇𝐘.”

Or, maybe you thought you did, BUT it actually wasn’t compelling enough.

Or, maybe it WAS compelling, but your brain wasn’t convinced.

When your brain isn’t convinced, doing a hard thing consistently (like changing habits, etc.) is dang near IMPOSSIBLE.

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Convincing your brain = rewiring your brain. 🧠

Our brains are super efficient. They like to learn a thing and move it to autopilot. Think about it: When’s the last time you had to think about breathing … or placing one foot in front of the other to walk?

You don't. That's because our brain develops strong neural pathways as we habitually do, feel, experience, etc. SO THAT we can do, feel, and be AUTOMATICALLY — without thinking.

It’s all very cool, but also not always beneficial. Especially when our brains are automatically sending us unhelpful thoughts or down emotional rabbit holes or allowing us to believe we don’t deserve better than what we’re used to experiencing.

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So, HOW do we rewire our brains?

1️⃣ Experience different.

2️⃣ Imagine different.

Sensory and imagery experiences are kind of like nitro 🏎 for the neurons that relay (and connect) information within our brain.

See that picture behind me in the picture above? That’s MY WHY. The people God’s given me to hold close and love on. I’m in that picture, too.

That didn’t used to be my WHY. As a result, there have been times in my past where I failed at goal setting. Ideas I had that I let totally fall flat. Promises I made that I just didn’t keep. Like many of you, I’ve done the pendulum swing of extreme doing to doing basically nothing.

And why? Because each and every time, my WHY was influenced by or inhibited by old ways of thinking and doing.

To get to a place of true change, I had to challenge some inner demons 👿 … self-talk that kept me perfectionistic but ineffective and unhappy. A lack of self-care that pointed to a pattern of self-reliance. A lack of self-esteem that kept me self-absorbed. (Just to name a few …)

I challenged it all by choosing to experience different and imagine different. Over and over again. 🔁

Practically, that looked like a season of therapy, opening myself up to vulnerability in relationships, choosing out of toxic systems, allowing myself to ask for and accept help, putting together vision boards, creating and maintaining a list of wins, wrestling with existential questions, allowing myself to dream, saying “thank you” when complimented (instead of working to minimize or dismiss them), putting what's true and important in my life in front of me again and again and again - pictures, affirmations, etc. ... and so much more.

My brain got rewired. It’s STILL being rewired. Every day I choose to experience different and imagine different than I’ve always known.

As a result, I feel different. I do different. I think differently.

And, as a result of that? I LOVE MY LIFE. 🥰

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💭 PONDER: Can you say the same? If not, fill out the form to book a Discovery Consult. Let’s get started rewiring your brain!

The Subconscious Mind Matters

Anybody else resonate with this, or is it just me?!

Seriously though, it’s experiences like these that can teach us a lot about how our brains work. They’re designed to be efficient. What our brain CAN put on autopilot, it’s going to put on autopilot. For example, breathing, walking, chewing ... most of us don’t actually have to think through how to do those things, right?

That’s because when we repeat something — behaviors, thoughts, or feelings — our brain takes the cue and works to make that repetition easy to recall and continue. Our brain does that for necessary, life-sustaining behaviors, as well as any good, healthy habits we may set out to build. However, our brain doesn’t discriminate in its drive for efficiency. That means our not so helpful ways of being and doing also can easily become automatic.

PONDER: Have you ever felt like you didn’t have control over how you felt or reacted to something (or someone)? Ever find yourself stuck in a thought pattern you can’t quite shake?

Frankly, you may be feeling less than awesome BECAUSE your brain is so good at what it does. 

Fortunately, we can leverage your brain’s awesomeness for positive change, as well.

Want to know how? In a word: neuroplasticity. The process? An intentional, conscious one. It starts with getting clarity on what automatic processes aren’t helping you anymore.

Make an appointment to get started on changing your brain … and, ultimately, your life for the better!

Counseling is a Good Idea: Here's Why ...

We humans have an amazing capacity for NOT putting two and two together. It doesn't matter who you are — genius, successful, experienced, academic OR not — you miss something. Lots of somethings. We walk around with blinders on.

I'm no exception. Case and point:

I've always known I was a "southpaw." But, until recently, I thought eating and writing were the only things I did with my left hand. Turns out I brush my teeth left-handed, too. It took me more than 30 years to note something I've been doing for more than 30 years. Crazy, right? The discovery came out of a casual discussion with my in-laws about my left-handedness. Someone probed me about my habits and, forced to think about it, I was astonished by what I discovered.

I think we all do a lot of things out of habit. Whether it's muscle memory or instinct or learned coping behavior, we do an awful lot in life — spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically — without thinking about it or being aware of it. We don't always connect the dots. That's not always a bad thing, but it can be. That's where I think therapy can be helpful — in the cluing us in and clarifying of things.

No, you don't need to know that you brush your teeth with your left hand, but it may help you to know:

• that you're attracted to chaotic relationships because that's what you grew up navigating.
• that being uncomfortable is comforting to you and that that's why you sabotage all things good in your life.
• that you eat excessively (or starve) because food is the one thing in life you've ever felt you had any power or control over.
• that you drink alcohol to avoid being socially awkward because being socially awkward makes you feel what you've always felt and believed about yourself — that you're alone and unworthy of love and attention.
• that [insert YOUR story here] ...

All of it, any of it, might help you to know that CHANGE IS POSSIBLE.

I think therapy is a lot about that stuff. Counseling is about the exploration of what we do and why we do it and why it matters. More importantly, therapy is about the hope generated by the exploration of self, life and God — a brand new opportunity to respond accordingly, to begin again … to be transformed.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

— Proverbs 9:10

Awareness is a requisite first step toward change. So, here's to taking the blinders off? Join me for a consultation session!