The Impact of Subtle vs. Sudden: Childhood Emotional Neglect

Imagine growing up in a household where your physical needs were met, but your emotional world was largely overlooked or minimized …

• You cried and were told to “knock it off” or “suck it up” or, worse yet, no one asked you what was wrong.

• You got excited about something and no one noticed, or worse yet, they noticed but never joined in or were curious about your joy.

If this was your world, you likely experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) and you’re not alone. In fact, the majority of high functioning, but unhappy people I’ve met through my work as a counselor and life consultant have experienced some level of CEN.

When emotional needs aren't consistently recognized or validated during childhood, the impact is expansive. Childhood Emotional Neglect isn’t about dramatic events or traumatic experiences; rather, it's about what didn't happen. The absence of consistent emotional support and validation in childhood can leave deep scars that reverberate into adulthood. Individuals who have experienced CEN may find themselves struggling to notice, understand, AND express their emotions. They might feel disconnected from themselves and others, leading to challenges in forming and maintaining relationships.

Moreover, CEN can take a toll on self-esteem. When our emotions are ignored or dismissed during childhood, we may internalize the message that our feelings don't matter. This can lead to a persistent sense of inadequacy or unworthiness that follows us into adulthood, impacting various facets of our lives.

But here's the silver lining: awareness is the first step toward healing. By acknowledging the impact of CEN on our lives, we can begin to unravel its effects and reclaim our emotional well-being. It's a journey of self-discovery and healing—one that requires courage, compassion, and support.

So, if you resonate with the experiences of Childhood Emotional Neglect, know that there is hope. Reach out OR read an awesome book on the topic! You deserve to heal, to reclaim your emotional vitality, and to live a life filled with connection, authenticity, and joy.

What to do when you hate the life you love

Feeling conflicted about the life you lead can be an overwhelming experience. You might find yourself in a paradoxical situation where you deeply love certain aspects of your life while simultaneously despising others. It's a complex emotional tug-of-war, but there are steps you can take to navigate through it.

Firstly, acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It's okay to feel this way, and you're not alone in experiencing such conflicting emotions. Next, pinpoint what exactly it is that you love and hate about your life. Understanding these aspects can provide clarity and help you identify areas for improvement.

Once you've identified the sources of your dissatisfaction, take action. Focus on cultivating more of what you love and gradually work towards addressing the aspects you dislike. This might involve making changes in your career, relationships, or lifestyle habits. Remember, change doesn't happen overnight, so be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the process.

Additionally, seek support from trusted friends, family members, a life consultant or therapist. Having someone to talk to can offer valuable insights and emotional support as you navigate this journey of self-discovery and growth.

Ultimately, finding balance and contentment in life is an ongoing journey. By embracing the complexity of your emotions and taking proactive steps towards positive change, you can create a life that aligns more closely with your desires and values.

Why New Year Resolutions Don't Work

Here's WHY your new year resolutions didn’t stick:

𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 “𝗪𝐇𝐘.”

Or, maybe you thought you did, BUT it actually wasn’t compelling enough.

Or, maybe it WAS compelling, but your brain wasn’t convinced.

When your brain isn’t convinced, doing a hard thing consistently (like changing habits, etc.) is dang near IMPOSSIBLE.

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Convincing your brain = rewiring your brain. 🧠

Our brains are super efficient. They like to learn a thing and move it to autopilot. Think about it: When’s the last time you had to think about breathing … or placing one foot in front of the other to walk?

You don't. That's because our brain develops strong neural pathways as we habitually do, feel, experience, etc. SO THAT we can do, feel, and be AUTOMATICALLY — without thinking.

It’s all very cool, but also not always beneficial. Especially when our brains are automatically sending us unhelpful thoughts or down emotional rabbit holes or allowing us to believe we don’t deserve better than what we’re used to experiencing.

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So, HOW do we rewire our brains?

1️⃣ Experience different.

2️⃣ Imagine different.

Sensory and imagery experiences are kind of like nitro 🏎 for the neurons that relay (and connect) information within our brain.

See that picture behind me in the picture above? That’s MY WHY. The people God’s given me to hold close and love on. I’m in that picture, too.

That didn’t used to be my WHY. As a result, there have been times in my past where I failed at goal setting. Ideas I had that I let totally fall flat. Promises I made that I just didn’t keep. Like many of you, I’ve done the pendulum swing of extreme doing to doing basically nothing.

And why? Because each and every time, my WHY was influenced by or inhibited by old ways of thinking and doing.

To get to a place of true change, I had to challenge some inner demons 👿 … self-talk that kept me perfectionistic but ineffective and unhappy. A lack of self-care that pointed to a pattern of self-reliance. A lack of self-esteem that kept me self-absorbed. (Just to name a few …)

I challenged it all by choosing to experience different and imagine different. Over and over again. 🔁

Practically, that looked like a season of therapy, opening myself up to vulnerability in relationships, choosing out of toxic systems, allowing myself to ask for and accept help, putting together vision boards, creating and maintaining a list of wins, wrestling with existential questions, allowing myself to dream, saying “thank you” when complimented (instead of working to minimize or dismiss them), putting what's true and important in my life in front of me again and again and again - pictures, affirmations, etc. ... and so much more.

My brain got rewired. It’s STILL being rewired. Every day I choose to experience different and imagine different than I’ve always known.

As a result, I feel different. I do different. I think differently.

And, as a result of that? I LOVE MY LIFE. 🥰

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💭 PONDER: Can you say the same? If not, fill out the form to book a Discovery Consult. Let’s get started rewiring your brain!

The Subconscious Mind Matters

Anybody else resonate with this, or is it just me?!

Seriously though, it’s experiences like these that can teach us a lot about how our brains work. They’re designed to be efficient. What our brain CAN put on autopilot, it’s going to put on autopilot. For example, breathing, walking, chewing ... most of us don’t actually have to think through how to do those things, right?

That’s because when we repeat something — behaviors, thoughts, or feelings — our brain takes the cue and works to make that repetition easy to recall and continue. Our brain does that for necessary, life-sustaining behaviors, as well as any good, healthy habits we may set out to build. However, our brain doesn’t discriminate in its drive for efficiency. That means our not so helpful ways of being and doing also can easily become automatic.

PONDER: Have you ever felt like you didn’t have control over how you felt or reacted to something (or someone)? Ever find yourself stuck in a thought pattern you can’t quite shake?

Frankly, you may be feeling less than awesome BECAUSE your brain is so good at what it does. 

Fortunately, we can leverage your brain’s awesomeness for positive change, as well.

Want to know how? In a word: neuroplasticity. The process? An intentional, conscious one. It starts with getting clarity on what automatic processes aren’t helping you anymore.

Make an appointment to get started on changing your brain … and, ultimately, your life for the better!